Nomadik Kitty Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 Got this in an e-mail from my mom. Thought it was funny, so just sharing.The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the ********" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the frontline in the British army for the last 300 years.The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change SidesThe Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose"Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navyAmericans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper airplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "****, I hope Australia will come and rescue us".Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, mate". Three more escalation levels remain, "Crikey!,” "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend," and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jb410 Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 Ahaha, I liked the Australian and the French ones the best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elite Effect (Jon) Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 "Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.""The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide."I lol'd! Thanks for posting this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 haha the french onces made me laugh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Title Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 hehe, that was good. New Zealand and Australia made me chuckle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sajam Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 French one is funny, even if I am French Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Towncryer Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 Spanish made me lolz. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevnvek Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 Quality humor there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeeKnuckle Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 French one is funny, even if I am French You're French? Fuck you, then!lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sedington86 Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 So what are the irish guys doing? Still just getting drunk and punching **** ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nomadik Kitty Posted May 2, 2010 Author Share Posted May 2, 2010 So what are the irish guys doing? Still just getting drunk and punching **** ?And looking for leprechauns so they can take their cereal, of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons claw69 Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 So what are the irish guys doing? Still just getting drunk and punching **** ?Us ones in the North are probably causing the security threats Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Timmy Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 Laughed, I did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cow Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 So what are the irish guys doing? Still just getting drunk and punching **** ?Defending with our practically non-existant Air-Force, Navy and army.Thank god for Britain beside us Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skylark95 Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 LOL... the French one is awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pogre Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 "These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bogey Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 That was great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Timmy Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 Defending with our practically non-existant Air-Force, Navy and army.Thank god for Britain beside us We won't have an army either if the Lib Dems win the general election. /offtopicpolitics.Cow,pleasedon'tstartpolitics'banter'inanotherthread.lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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