I got my first rejection today!

[Avahra]

So I've been writing my entire life, as most of you who've known me already know. Usually I share it with a few people but never really put myself out there.

I finally sucked it up and started sending out short stories to lit magazines to see if I could get any bites.  I collected a handful of things I had written recently, had some other inspiring author friends pick their favorite  and sent it out to a couple lit magazines.

 

I just got my first rejection.

 

I anticipated being rejected, these magazines have really shit/low acceptation rates. 

 

but it doesn't lessen the sting of  it any less.

 

So anyways, here is the short story that was ultimately rejected (their loss)

 

Blood

 

 

Nothing can prepare you for the  blood. Not movies, books, or police dramas. It’s estimated that the average human body can hold up to five liters of blood. It takes as little as losing two liters to die, done deal. No more heartbeat. No pulse. Just dead. Dead. Dead. I only know that because I spent a lot of time reading about what it takes to kill a person. One year ago, I decided to kill my wife.

 

You ever lay awake at night and, as you’re desperately trying to fall asleep, just think of stupid shit that happened forever ago? Don’t lie, I know you do. We all do. Little haunting moments that creep up when we expect them the least. “Oh, that was a stupid thing to say.” Tiny, insignificant details. Things that never mattered keep us up at night. For me, it wasn’t what I said to my boss at the drunken office party. It was the moment I decided to kill my wife.

 

You know how when there’s a murder, they always interview people who have no fucking clue? The neighbors who’ll say, “Gee, I never thought Charles would be capable of such a thing. He was such a nice man.” They’ll tell you how nice they were, how they would never have expected such a tragedy. They won’t say that for me. They’ll tell you what a weird person I was, that I was “quiet” and “disturbed.” If they dig deep enough into my past, they’ll find a couple police records involving violence. If they ask my estranged family, they’ll hear the tales of cutting, “weird cult worship”, and years of therapy. “I thought he put all that behind him,” my mother would say, but in reality, she knew otherwise. Mothers always know.

 

It started one evening when my wife and I went to the local theater to watch the newest slasher horror flick. My wife wasn’t the biggest fan of these movies but I loved them. I didn't love them because they scared me, I loved them because they didn't. In fact, I liked to imagine I was the stalker, the big bad wolf. My palms would sweat and my heart would race, watching the poor victims as they struggled to escape. The bottled screams as the female lead watches her surfer boyfriend get hacked to pieces. The dread knowing they were next. Most of the time, these movies ended with the dim-witted blonde outsmarting the assailant. She’d escape by some dumb, contrived luck, and the police would come to her rescue. The wolf? He’d be locked up forever. This movie was the rare exception; everyone who entered the wolf’s territory was mercilessly slaughtered. Their corpses were strung up from the trees. It was an excellent movie. After the final credits rolled, my wife whined that it was time for us to go. I had to adjust my pants to hide my erection as we left the theater.

 

Violence has always turned me on. Pretty fucked up right? The dirty porn, gruesome pictures of violence, crime shows, you name it. If it’s fucked up, chances are it gives me an erection. I tried to get my wife into it but after the night I got carried away choking her, she wouldn’t play anymore. Pity. Until that night, I never actually thought about murdering my wife. Now, these thoughts are like a nasty strain of the flu; once they take hold, they spread until they consume you.

 

The problem with murdering your wife is that the husband is always the number one suspect. I’d watched enough crime shows to figure that out. It doesn’t matter if she’s in Japan and you’re on the moon, you, sir, are guilty of murder. But what they don’t tell you is the only time you get caught is if somebody actually cares. Homeless people, thugs, random immigrants, they all die all the time and you never hear about it. Why not? Because nobody cares! Luckily for me, nobody cares about my wife either. Her family hasn’t spoken to her in years, some shit about "having chosen to marry me." We originally wanted to start a family, so I busted my ass to get a job to allow her to be a stay-at-home mom. Some shit about infertility later and that never worked out but she stayed at home anyways. As far as the world is convinced, my wife doesn’t exist. So really, I didn’t need the perfect plan for when I killed her.

 

However, I spent months planning anyway. I’ll spare you the boring details because it mostly involved me fantasizing about how to best go about it. Do I tie her up and choke her last breath as I fuck her senseless? Blow her brains out with a gun? Poison? So many possibilities. Each one giving me an erection bigger than the last. If you’re reading this, you already know how I went about it. I know the details are in every paper in town, gossiped quietly over lunch. I made quite a name for myself in the last year. The gruesome details of my exploits plagued every paper. Nobody was safe while I was loose. My neighbors’ll shake their heads and tell the police “He was always off color, weird.” They won’t say nice things about me.

 

These are my final thoughts, a suicide letter if you will. The final words of a man who got caught. After my wife, I couldn’t stop myself. I'd awakened a primal urge to slaughter. One, two, countless women later and I finally slipped up, made a mistake. I know I’ll be caught, I know they’re coming for me. I won’t give them the satisfaction though. Instead, they’ll come to find only my lifeless body. But trust me; they won’t be prepared for all the blood.

 

[Dateranoth]

Good read Avahra. I think you made the first right step. Rejection is part of the process, but you have to at least try. I'm glad you made the first step. Rejection will never be easier, but at least bringing yourself to put more out there will become easier.

You will get there in time. Good luck and always keep working toward your goal.

[PeeKnuckle]

Yeah, what Dat said. I know I can somewhat speak for all of us when I say we're super proud of you. It's only a matter of time before you're published. Hang in there, Tinyfeet.

[Kira Onime]

Good stuff and well, a rejection is still better than nothing.

[Avahra]

I feel much better today about it. I went back to the lit magazine read their published stuff and laughed. It's whatever, Rowling was rejected an astronomical amount of times and look where she's at