Avahra Posted April 30, 2010 Share Posted April 30, 2010 Wrote this the other night at work. May revise, add or scrap it all together. Figured I'd share it either way.Room Number 8The smoke dispersed from the barrel like a man's last dying breath in a frigid winter's night. His last breath was not as beautiful. It was only spent uttering a final plea, a whisper of her name, too late. It was only a few moments ago he was telling her that he loved her, oh, how he had loved her. But, he couldn't see. No, he couldn't see the cold steel held behind her back in knuckles turned white with her grip. His gaze was focused on her instead, scantily clad in white lingerie. He could not peel his eyes away from her body. The pale yellow light of the room illuminated her pale skin, and under its cold eerie glow she appeared almost ghost like. She closed the distance between them in small, hesitant steps. Her breathing quickened and it felt as if all the blood had rushed to her head like a low, rumbling thunder. All his blood had rushed to his pants apparent by the large erection that pressed against the dark blue denim of his jeans as he drunkenly stumbled with buttons and zippers. She stopped; the room was silent except for the grunting of the man before her. What happened then felt like hours but lasted only a mere few seconds. The loud crack, his startled expression, the sickening sound of flesh as it erupted from the pressure of its killer. His eyes were wide with terror, his hands letting go of those buttons and zippers. His knees buckled under his weight as he tumbled to the floor her name barely escaping his lips. The blood ran from his body in large pools collecting around him in the dirty carpet. The haunted memories of their past came rushing into her thoughts with a sudden ferocity that made her tremble, it made her weak. The cold steel slipped from her hands and fell to the floor. Somewhere nearby a train clattered down the tracks making the very walls of the room shake. The pale yellow light swung on its power cord chasing shadows and darkness away with each swing. It was the only witness to the crime that night as her silhouette escaped out the door to catch the next passing train. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InfernoParadox Posted April 30, 2010 Share Posted April 30, 2010 Wish i had a little more back story because im so confused, either way seems like a book id read, and its very nicely written. I actually started writing a book before, got three chapters in and couldnt be bothered to write any more, hope yours turns out better than mine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dateranoth Posted April 30, 2010 Share Posted April 30, 2010 Very good and very well written. Very emotional even with little back story to go on. I liked it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 That's really well written. You going to make this a short story? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elite Effect (Jon) Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 I have to say that's very well written. Very descriptive, and lots of emotion put into it. Nice job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avahra Posted May 4, 2010 Author Share Posted May 4, 2010 I may turn it into a short story or I may leave it like this. I haven't quite decided. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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