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"They're Made Out Of Meat"


ThermoNukePanda

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So I stumbled across this recently while reading something Stephen Hawking recently said. Hawking was talking about how we should all just STFU and not try to contact alien life because there is a possibility that it would be like Columbus stumbling upon the Natives.

"We only have to look at ourselves to see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn't want to meet. I imagine they might exist in massive ships, having used up all the resources from their home planet. Such advanced aliens would perhaps become nomads, looking to conquer and colonize whatever planets they can reach." He concludes that trying to make contact with alien races is "a little too risky". He said: "If aliens ever visit us, I think the outcome would be much as when Christopher Columbus first landed in America, which didn't turn out very well for the Native Americans."

Anyways, here is the story about Meat based lifeforms that this dude wrote. Thought it was funny.

http://www.terrybisson.com/page6/page6.html

I’m honored that this often shows up on the internet. Here’s the correct version, as published in Omni, 1990.

THEY'RE MADE OUT OF MEAT

"They're made out of meat."

"Meat?"

"Meat. They're made out of meat."

"Meat?"

"There's no doubt about it. We picked up several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, and probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."

"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars?"

"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines."

"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."

"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."

"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in that sector and they're made out of meat."

"Maybe they're like the orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."

"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take long. Do you have any idea what's the life span of meat?"

"Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."

"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads, like the weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through."

"No brain?"

"Oh, there's a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of meat! That's what I've been trying to tell you."

"So ... what does the thinking?"

"You're not understanding, are you? You're refusing to deal with what I'm telling you. The brain does the thinking. The meat."

"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"

"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you beginning to get the picture or do I have to start all over?"

"Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."

"Thank you. Finally. Yes. They are indeed made out of meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."

"Omigod. So what does this meat have in mind?"

"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the Universe, contact other sentiences, swap ideas and information. The usual."

"We're supposed to talk to meat."

"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there. Anybody home.' That sort of thing."

"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"

"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."

"I thought you just told me they used radio."

"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat, it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."

"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?"

"Officially or unofficially?"

"Both."

"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in this quadrant of the Universe, without prejudice, fear or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."

"I was hoping you would say that."

"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?"

"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say? 'Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"

"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they can only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."

"So we just pretend there's no one home in the Universe."

"That's it."

"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you probed? You're sure they won't remember?"

"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them."

"A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream."

"And we marked the entire sector unoccupied."

"Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"

"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again."

"They always come around."

"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the Universe would be if one were all alone ..."

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Good read, I always dislike how most people assume any extraterrestrial life will be far more advanced than ours.

Also reminds me of a short story I read once:

SENTRY

Fredrick Brown

He was wet and muddy and hungry and cold and he was fifty thousand lightyears

from home.

A strange blue sun gave light, and gravity, twice what he was used to, made

every movement difficult.

But in tens of thousands of years this part of war hadn’t changed. The flyboys

were fine with their sleek spaceships and their fancy weapons. When the chips are

down, though, it was still the foot soldier, the infantry, that had to take the ground and

hold it, foot by bloody foot. Like this damned planet of a star he’s never heard of until

they’d landed him there. And now it was sacred ground because the aliens were there

too. The aliens, the only other intelligent race in the Galaxy…cruel, hideous and

repulsive monsters.

Contact had been made with them near the centre of the Galaxy, after the slow,

difficult colonization of a dozen thousand planets; and it had been war at sight; they’d

shot without even trying to negotiate, or to make peace.

Now, planet by bitter planet, it was being fought out.

He was wet and muddy and hungry and cold, and the day was raw with a high

wind that hurt his eyes. But the aliens were trying to infiltrate and every sentry post

was vital.

He stayed alert, gun ready. Fifty thousand light-years from home, fighting on a

strange world and wondering if he’d ever live to see home again.

And then he saw one of them crawling toward him. He drew a bead and fired.

The alien made that strange horrible sound they all make, then lay still.

He shuddered at the sound and sight of the alien lying there. One ought to be

able to get used to them after a while, but he’d never been able to. Such repulsive

creatures they were, with only two arms and two legs, ghastly white skins and no

scales.

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judgemental *******....come on down and get your *** handed to you by meat.

actually, i think of it as more of an homage to our acheivements. yeah, we aren't that advanced perhaps. but....look at what we've done.

i always did think that any other life would be nothing like ours. i appreciate hawking's viewpoints. another thing we never really hear of is the fact that we may be giant, unstoppable goliaths to whoever finds us. we may be the things THEY put in movies to scare themselves. we may be the most badass creatures in the whole universe.....

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i've often wondered why people always assume that alien (which means unknown) species would be just like ours...... i mean, have you seen some of the things from our own ocean... they'd simply blow your mind. just like why do scientists keep searching for m class planets with water, just because that's what we need to survive. Carbon based life forms aren't the only possibility you know. there could be quartz or argon one's somewhere..... I did thoroughly enjoy the story though....

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