First Page Of My New Story

[LGWyant]

Charlie Frazier sat hunched over in his little cubicle. He sat with his legs drawn up to his chest which gave him about two inches grace from the width of his shoulders. With his back to the wall behind him, Charlie could just reach out to the wall in front and place his palm on the surface.

The steel-like material should be cold to the touch, yet it seemed to emit warmth as if to say this is a metal your planet has never encountered. Which only made sense, as Charlie knew he was no longer on the planet of his birth.

It’s a strange feeling knowing you’ve been taken and may never see your home again. Charlie had cried with fear and despair when he woke up in his little cubicle. Not long after he awoke the side walls began to emit a faint yellowish light. Charlie had little time to be amazed by this however as a square section of the wall in front of him turned translucent, with a distorted view of two grey hands moving on the other side of the wall.

Having nowhere to go all Charlie could do was cringe back, trying to meld with the wall at his back. Breathing in quick little gasps, his hysteria almost caused him to choke on air as his eyes grew wide with terror.

“No, no, O dear God no”, he stammered under his breath as his frightened mind fought between the desire to plead to his creator and his survival instinct to make no noise. Cold bumps flashed across his skin as the hairs stood on the back of his neck.

It was the ingrained feeling most sentient beings had that a predator was close, and death was even closer.

[LGWyant]

... ok, so i take it you guys hated it. no problem, but could you at least tell me what you didn't like?

[Dateranoth]

Sorry, I could have swore I replied to this. I'm liking what I see so far, but, as I tell everyone, I'd like to see more. It's really hard to get a feel for a story with just a few paragraphs. Unless those paragraphs are summing up everything you plan on writing about. Post a little more and let us read it.

[LGWyant]

Sure.. i'll post up to when he lands... can't post too much online since it's for a contest, but i need input from people i trust.

[LGWyant]

The Game – page 1

Charlie Frazier sat hunched over in his little cubicle. He sat with his legs drawn up to his chest which gave him about two inches grace from the width of his shoulders. With his back to the wall behind him, Charlie could just reach out to the wall in front and place his palm on the surface.

The steel-like material should be cold to the touch, yet it seemed to emit warmth as if to say this is a metal your planet has never encountered. Which only made sense, as Charlie knew he was no longer on the planet of his birth.

It’s a strange feeling knowing you’ve been taken and may never see your home again. Charlie had cried with fear and despair when he woke up in his little cubicle. Not long after he awoke the side walls began to emit a faint yellowish light. Charlie had little time to be amazed by this however as a square section of the wall in front of him turned translucent, with a distorted view of two grey hands moving on the other side of the wall.

Having nowhere to go all Charlie could do was cringe back, trying to meld with the wall at his back. Breathing in quick little gasps, his hysteria almost caused him to choke on air as his eyes grew wide with terror.

“No, no, O dear God no”, he stammered under his breath as his frightened mind fought between the desire to plead to his creator and his survival instinct to make no noise. Cold bumps flashed across his skin as the hairs stood on the back of his neck.

It was the ingrained feeling most sentient beings had that a predator was close, and death was even closer.

The Game - page 2

As the wall pressed inward forming a depression in the center, Charlie could hear himself begin to sob in terror, almost as if it was someone else and not him. The back of his mind was telling him this happened when the mind tried to distance itself from the body, as if it sensed an impeding traumatic event.

Just as his heart felt like it would burst from his chest in terror, the wall once again turned opaque, leaving him to pull his frenzied mind from the brink of madness.

After what seemed like hours he was calm enough to be curious about what was placed in the new depression of the door. A quick inspection produced a large cylindrical vial of a substance that might have been water, if it wasn’t so thick, and a small loaf of what might pass for unleavened bread.

Looking closely at the vial Charlie couldn’t discern any way to open it, so he turned it end over end looking for some kind of seam in the glassy cylinder. As he turned it to and fro the viscous fluid sloshed around the inside of the clear vial.

Getting a sudden inspiration, Charlie held the vial in his left hand and attempted to twist the end with his right hand. After a brief exertion of strength the glass-like material suddenly gave and the top that came lose in his right hand seemed to melt and coalesce into a cup.

Charlie held the container to his nose and found the liquid to have an earthy smell. It didn’t take long for a memory to surface of his high school health professor telling his class how the body can go weeks without food, but only days without water. Charlie surmised that it would be better to try the liquid now while almost at full strength, rather than later when he might be too weak to do any good.

The Game – page 3

He poured a measure into the drinking cap and after smelling it again, took a small sip. Charlie was surprised at how refreshing it was. It tasted like clear pure water, while at the same time like it was full of some type of berry juice. He drank the capful and decided to ration the rest; he didn’t know when his unknown host would bring more.

Turning his attention to the bread now, Charlie tore off a small piece and saw that inside the loaf were many small berries of unknown origin. They were somewhat purple in color , which contrasted with the bread’s yellowish interior. Taking a small bite he was reminded instantly of his grandmother’s corn fritters that he used to enjoy on the summer visits to her house. The berries had the same taste as the earthy juice found in the liquid.

Finding his meal at least palatable, he supposed he was lucky. Who… whatever had taken him had seemingly gone to some length to make sure he had edible sustenance.

He still didn’t know why he was taken, but at least now Charlie knew he was valued enough to be given adequate food and water.

Charlie never knew how long he was kept in that little metallic box, but if the frequency of his meals was any indication, it must have been weeks. Normally that long in cramped quarters your body is prone to cramping and atrophying. If anything though, Charlie was in better shape than before his abduction.

At first he had tried keeping track of the days by scratching a small vertical line in the metallic wall with his finger nail, but each night a slight humming came from the walls which was proceeded by a sizzling noise as the scratches disappeared. Charlie tried this seven nights in a row, each with the same

The Game – page 4

result. After giving that up he began counting his fingers and toes, after counting each one twice he gave that up too.

After countless days and weeks of his confinement Charlie’s mind was beginning to come to terms with his predicament when something occurred that threw it for a loop again.

After his morning feeding (he called it breakfast simply because it occurred shortly after waking) the panel in the door became translucent once more. Instead of seeing the Captor’s hands though, it lite up… not unlike a television or computer monitor. Symbols started splaying across the “screen” like some type of jumbled message written with characters of varying sizes. He recognized some Japanese kanji characters mixed in with Arabic, greek, and some… hieroglyphs?

Charlie had just started wishing he had listened more in his linguistics class when the walls began their strange humming again. He looked nervously from side to side, his once short black hair long enough now to sway with his heads motion. Right when he opened his mouth to say,” what the”, a flash of energy sizzled from the wall and slammed into his forehead. All that came out of his mouth was a whimper and an expletive.

Smelling ozone, Charlie was vaguely aware of the numb sensation that seemed to emanate from the middle of his brain, because he had made a more startling discovery. He could now read the message on the wall. He could see the characters were still some strange stew of the languages of Earth, but now he could read them. What Charlie read was a little disquieting to say the least.

Earthman, you are my newest acquisition. I have gone to great lengths to procure you with as little discomfort as possible. It is my great hope that you shall do well in the ……

The Game – page 5

The word that showed was so strange that Charlie could only imagine it was the Captors language and whatever was running the wall display was having a hard time translating. After a short period of time the blinking word disappeared and the message continued.

…game tomorrow. I have invested much in this venture, and will be very pleased if you contend well. If you manage to somehow win, I will even be gracious enough to return you to your ham and set you free.

This last bit confused Charlie a bit until, like before, the word began to blink and was changed. “Like some kind of grammar check”, mused Charlie to himself.

…return you to your home and set you free. Until that time I shall call you Lonestar. Should you have any questions, just ask the portal, and if I deem them worthy I shall respond. Good luck in the game tomorrow, my …

Charlie waited once again for whatever program was running the portal, but didn’t much like the translation that came up. It stayed up long enough to ensure it was read before once again fading to the opaque nature of the portal.

...in the game tomorrow, my pet.

Charlie was chilled to think this creature regarded him as its pet, but remembering the earlier statement about being freed he was about to inquire into the nature of this so called “game” when he began to smell ozone again.

Lost in thought Charlie hadn’t realized the walls had once again began to hum. As his brain was still on vacation, the only thing his reflexes could do was try to get his arms crossed over his head.

The Game Page - 6

Before they were even half-way up however, a bright bolt of electricity leapt from the wall and struck his forehead rendering him unconscious.

Charlie woke up, shaking his groggy head as he tried to get his bearings. He was still in the chamber he’d been in since his capture…only something was different. He couldn’t quite place it, but something had definitely changed.

As before his door changed into a view screen to display a new message.

You will soon be landing, when you do the game will commence. There are few rules. I can only help by giving you small gifts each round, and other than healing between rounds, direct assistance will result in your disqualification… and death.

I am confident you will do well, that’s why I selected you after all, and don’t forget if you win you also win your freedom. There will be a total of three matches to reach the finals. Then the three remaining participants will battle it out for the title.

As Charlie was reading the message, he kept coming up to the same segment over and over. “You will soon be landing”, he mused right before the full implication hit him like a ton of bricks.

His heart beat rapidly in his chest as he tried to remember his training for crash landings he received back in his military days. Charlie ducked his head between his knees and folded his arms over his head.

The sensation seemed to grow in intensity now that he knew what it was. There were few things that felt quite like free-fall. Sure you could get similar sensations from driving a car through a large dip

The Game Page 7

in the road, or when you jumped off the high dive, but they were pale comparisons to what he felt now.

Not even his high altitude jumps back in ranger school had made him feel like his gut was jumping up his throat. The atmosphere on whatever planet I’m landing on must be much heavier than Earth’s thought Charlie’s brain in an attempt to distract itself with a scientific query. It didn’t work very well as it noted that if it was indeed heavier, than gravity would likely also be greater. Which would mean Charlie’s little habitat would most likely hit even harder making it irrelevant whether he formed himself into a ball or not, he would most likely be liquefied.

It was the whistling sound that alerted the crowd below something was about to happen. Normally They observed the action via molecular monitors. The first match today was special though. The previous tournament winner was to fight against something they’d never seen before. Even though the odds of any newcomer besting the champion were astronomical, Gertnak had promised his fighter would be a smash hit.

The last year’s champion had been striding around the ring on his gigantic pincer legs, while swinging his hefty vorpal sword over his head. After the last twenty minutes of circling the ring he figured old Gertnak had once again boasted too much after drinking copious amounts of swill.

That was before the whistling pierced his hearing membrane on the sides of his bulbous head. The shrill sound was enough to give the old warrior the second worst headache of his life. The coincidence is that the worst headache of his life lasted for less than a second, as it was the 80-ton crate whose falling had started the second and ended the first.

[Dateranoth]

I'll sit down and read it tomorrow when I get home. I have to get to bed now though. Post in here again if you see this so I remember ! I have such a scattered brain sometimes.

[eminutia]

That's better than I could ever write. It's a pretty good story, I'm interested in the outcome. I don't usually read these things.

Only problem I had with it was that it was a little hard to follow at first. Sometimes you use words together that don't exactly "flow", for example in the first paragraph, "He sat with his legs drawn up to his chest which gave him about two inches grace from the width of his shoulders." That's a little hard to follow, I mean it's descriptive, but hard to understand. Try wording it different next time.

[Dateranoth]

It's pretty good man. The only thing other than a few typos I saw is the formatting and pacing. It very well may be the copy paste from whatever program you're using to here, but I couldn't really tell where the paragraphs started and ended. It seemed like the timeframe and events changed drastically between just sentences. Like I said, could just be the formatting of the copy paste.

[LGWyant]

Thanks guys, REALLY appreciate the input... gonna re-work it a bit and post the reworked first couple pages in a couple days. The original is supposed to be double-spaced and so the cut and paste does shrink the whole page down a bit, but the time frame should the same. It starts at charlie's capture and goes through to his landing. he remembers the past in a couple spots, and it skips a bit, but it supposed to be linear.